If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you're given
It's all how you use it...

Pink - God is a DJ

2008 June 18

If love is a drug
I'm quite sure that we're all addicts
cause we can't last long without some

Wideawake - Better Than One

2004 November 14

2003 June 20

Grief?
Still bottled up.

Why?
Unknown.

Stay strong.
Must support.
Cry later.

What a flood later will bring.

2003 May 21

Today was the funeral.
Before the graveside service was the funeral.
Before the funeral was the lunch.
Before the lunch was the viewing.
Set the stage...

Flowers. Lots of them.
Literally dozens of arrangements.
Colors! Scents! Messages!
Each one a condolence,
each one a kindred heart reaching out to show they care.

And the viewing.
That's not my grandfather.
I mean, logically that must be my grandfather's body.
But it doesn't look like him. Something's missing.
That's it - it's his smile, his spirit, his essence.
That's not my grandfather.
I wanted to shout for joy - that isn't him!
He might be dead, but he is far from gone.

Lunch began the gathering.
Family that wasn't at the viewing showed up for lunch.
Leave it to my family to gather for a meal.
Laughs were shared, hugs passed around.

And the funeral.
Kyla sang, that sweet voice flowing and billowing.
How appropriate a tribute.
The word that sticks with me in the message: Hero.
He was a hero to many, family, friends, fellow soldiers.
Hero.

And the graveside service.
A few words were said, appropriate but not memorable.
The most poignant moment was when Kelly handed Granny
the folded American flag and repeated the solemn phrase:
"I present this to you on behalf of the
President of the United States of America
and a grateful country."
Tears abounded.

What a legacy the man has left.
Children. Grandchildren. Great-grandchildren.
Brothers. Friends. His soul-mate.
He is never truly gone, she is never truly alone.
They are separated only temporally
to be reunited again in the presence of Greatness.

2003 May 21

Amazing how a simple question
can turn your soft smile hard
in an effort to conceal your
dread to answer such an innocent
appeal for information.

The mind goes into overdrive
to create an answer that in itself
isn't a lie but neither does it
truly answer the question from
the seeking party.

Not by any definition a lie,
not a falsehood in any way,
but yet still a misleading
statement by nondisclosure to
conceal a more fearsome revelation.

Filtering the question to
its most literal interpretation
if that suits your desire,
or maybe a more liberal reading
if that better meets your demands.

Truthful, yet far from the truth.

2003 May 20

The call finally arrives.
Yet you've been waiting for it for so long,
that you don't expect it when it happens.
You go through the motions as you prepare for the trip home.
All the time hoping autopilot gets you there safely.

The mood vacillates between great sadness, tears
and the desire to crank up the loudest most joyous songs on the radio.
You can't decide if the inevitable was really for the best.
Yet still a great loss that the world should feel deeply.

Sad how a funeral brings a family together when nothing else will.
Meeting people you didn't know you were related to.
Some for the first time,
some for the umpteenth time.

A time of reflection,
of rejoicing,
of mourning,
and laughing.

Sympathies pour in.
Flowers, plants, cards, calls, food.
Almost as if you could eat your way out of the sadness.
With each pie, each dish comes the message: we care.
With each plant and each flower: we sympathize.
With each call and visit: we're there.
With each expression of compassion: we love.

The warmth of friendship is never more strongly felt
than in times of greatest sorrow and pain.

Today is the great gathering and tomorrow the day of closure.
Yet tomorrow also is a beginning of sorts for some.
A beginning of a new life alone, a beginning of grieving,
a beginning of a new perspective.

2003 May 20

Why do they hate us?
What have we done to them such that they hate us so?
Don't they see we are their children?
Their grandchildren?
Cousins, nieces, nephews?
My one hope is that they act out of ignorance.
My greatest fear is that they act out of malice.
Maybe we are a faceless mass,
people without identities,
things held at arms reach.
But it cannot be ignorance for we have educated them,
we cannot be a faceless mass for we have talked to them.
Yet can it be malice?
Can it be spite?
Or maybe it is fear.
Fear of that which they do not understand.
Fear that life is more complex than they thought.
Fear that love isn't limited by "convention".
I don't have a lot of hope that the wrongs can be righted.
It will take someone with more strength than I.

2003 Apr 15

Ever fear a ringing phone?

Guessing who's on the other line,
what news they convey.

Anticipating the worst
as to not be caught off guard.

Hoping for the best,
but fearing the inevitable.

Is it better to let it ring?
To not know?
To continue fearing?

Or to answer the beast
and have those fears confirmed.

But what if, just if, it isn't
news of our dear friend Death?

What if, instead, it is a friend
offering comfort?

Should I be so hasty to deny my
selfish desire for companionship
at risk of finding the very thing I fear?

2003 Apr 14

Unexpected news
- a pause -
thoughts freeze
- a fear -
emotions run wild
- a moment -
thoughts warm up
- a change -
emotion reigns in
- a delta -
deep contemplation
- a cognition -
emotion and logic collide
- a simmer -
heart breaks
- a response -
tears well up
- an acceptance -
life is expressed.

2003 Mar 24

It's hard to picture where you want to go
if you don't know what your destination looks like,
if the place even exists,
if you can get there from here.
I can see the concepts,
I can imagine the possibilities,
but the reality of it all escapes me.

2003 Feb 1

In life
always search for the truth,
always question what you believe,
always doubt common knowledge,
always test your faith,
always seek wisdom,
always investigate contradictions,
always trust your heart,
but never fear the answer.

2003 Jan 26

I've found freedom in many places:
in taking control of my life
and in relinquishing it.

I've found life in many places:
in living with reckless abandonment
and in realizing my own mortality.

I've found love in many places:
in those who love to hate me
and in those who can't love me more.

I've found joy in many places:
in recognizing my deep depression
and in knowing those days are behind me.

I've found God in many places:
in places where he can't be seen
and in people who radiate him.

I've found peace in many places:
in times of chaos and destruction
and in nature's often-quiet beauty.

I've found myself in many places:
in those I couldn't get out of
and in those I long to return to.

2003 Jan 4

Sometimes family seems distant,
a disagreement over life's path.
There have been no harsh words,
nor invocations of wrath.

Yet still the disappointment,
is plain to see in their eyes.
Would it have been easier to leave the mask
and let them believe the lies?

But then the phone rings,
a friend's on the other end.
Asking how things are going,
their concern they send.

"We're only a phone call away," or
"If you get down, call me, I'm there."
Insistent they are: I never need be alone.
Always willing their company to share.

I realized how many great friends I have,
and great friends are always behind you.
They want me to know I can call,
should ever the mood be blue.

Sometimes family seems distant,
a disagreement over life's path.
My friends are always there for me,
regardless of what life throws my way.

2002 Feb 16

I want today to go away,
yet not tomorrow to come.

I hate living between
depression and happiness.

In the latter you despise the former,
in the former you despise yourself.

I pray for inner peace,
yet would settle for sleep.

God, when will this all end?

2001 mid

Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Proverbs 4:7, NIV

I wear a mask all the time that hides the inner me.
I like to think I wear it well.
That you still talk to me tells me I do.

2001 Jan